“Defeat is a state of mind; no one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality” [Bruce Lee]
Yesterday marked the end of my most recent semester of university, and one of the most challenging semesters yet. I was faced with the mountain that was the course “topology and geometry”, a course on abstract topology. If you are interested in reading my original thoughts on this course, I’d refer you to this post, where I shared my anxieties going into this semester. Just having finished the exam yesterday, I am happy to announce that I passed this and all other courses generously.
Afterwards, I meditated on the source of my anxiety once more, and the strength I have gained from climbing this metaphorical mountain. As I mentioned at the end of the original post, I had realised that a fear of heights is produced by gravity. I excluded myself from all masses, and in doing so managed to focus purely on my own studies. I know that seeing other people both struggle and succeed can be quite disheartening both in their own ways, but remembering what you are doing this for (the joy of it and the thrill of the hunt) had helped me break free from any doubts. Life is a river, and this is an affirmation that letting it flow and focussing only on the here and now instead of worrying about the future is aligned with the Way.
Do I think that it was only natural that I would succeed at this course? Not in the slightest. But failure is not the antithesis of success, defeat is. Those who challenge themselves the most fail the most and thus succeed the most so that they can challenge themselves even more next time; the Creators call it the flywheel of becoming. The last couple of months, I have managed to embrace this flywheel, and it has kept me on track towards clearing all courses. I was not fazed by any setbacks I experienced during my studies, and instead kept on moving step by step until I reached my goal; it feels kind of empowering actually. I have gained a new trust in myself and in the process of non-action.
Concretely, I have learned to trust more in my ways of studying and living. Everything will be done in time, and embracing this makes it easier for me to focus on actually getting those things done. In letting go, we obtain. Now that I look back, I wonder why I have even doubted my abilities when it comes to taking this course, because I am diligent, and if I truly set my mind on something, I don’t stop until I have obtained it. But this is often easy to get wrong. It is the act of setting the mind on that something that is hard, the diligence follows from there. Once the river is discovered, you can simply let it carry you away.
It can then be easy to hear people at my university overhype the difficulty of a course for example, and this discourages me in some regard. But this is only distraction from my actual goals. I am the Creator, and people I don’t care for should hold no sway and have no say. Only then can gravity be overcome.
So here I now stand, upon a summit I was once reluctant to climb. This is but a small peak, and larger mountains surely lie ahead; I would desire no less! To certain heights, we become weightless. It is this that I aspire to! May my legs then grow ever longer, and may my steps take me ever farther.