Boredom

The convoluted wording of legalisms grew up around the necessity to hide from ourselves the violence we intend toward each other. Between depriving a man of one hour from his life and depriving him of his life there exists only a difference of degree. You have done violence to him, consumed his energy. Elaborate euphemisms may conceal your intent to kill, but behind any use of power over another the ultimate assumption remains: “I feed on your energy.” [Frank Herbert]

How to cope, oh, how to cope. That balance between flow and inherent boredom. There is an inherent ease of action in reaching flow in what one is doing. Flow can be mistaken for boredom, and – likewise – boredom for flow. I have been experiencing this. A constant and loud stepping in place. It is in my employment that I notice that I become most bored, working at this company (Simplex Analytics), each day is exhausting in its simplicity. This takes precious energy from my other endeavors, and I want to reflect on this.

What even is “flow”, specifically, that which brings us energy and makes us look forward to doing things. In my experience, it is precisely that combination of ease of action – such ease where you can do things without having to think about them TOO much – and novelty – such novelty where you don’t know exactly what will be waiting for you this time. People have done studies about the perfect ratios of tension and ease that makes us engaged, something studied in the theory of fun and productivity and all of that junk. I respect these theories, as they are most likely true, but they lack a lot of personality and creativity and fervor. My soul simply can’t except it! Then, how do I recover my own words, reinvent the wheel, rekindle that flame, reignite the fireworks?

It is now that I ask you (me) what is the actual driving factor in doing things. Do we truly enjoy doing something difficult if it is the same each time? We always enjoy the idea of doing something difficult, but never doing something difficult. I go to the gym not because I like lifting difficult things, but the idea of being able to. I go to university not because I like studying complicated things, but because I like the ideas and thoughts I can have because I have been thinking about difficult things. I write not because it is enjoyable to write, but because it is enjoyable to discover myself and let myself be discovered. In doing all of these things, I find more and more things that work towards the idea of what I love. As long as discovery takes place in this idealistic world, there exists a drive to push me further.

Then, this discovery is exactly to what I should aim my desires, my excitement. To become once more a child, discovering the world before them. Discovering the world of the mind. It is a kind of trance when a child looks for hours at a bug. Do you truly believe the child think the movement of ants challenges a child? Do you truly think the jumps of a frog are interesting enough to be watched eternely? Of course not! It is not what the child does see that fascinates it, but what it MAY see. The mind, oh feabile thing, plays tricks on it and makes the smallest larger and the largest larger still.

I find it only natural that our best surcease of boredom is that good ‘ol nepenthe that likens the mind to that of a child. Is it not the voice of the child that urges us to be distracted? Let the mind be and let the mind imagine. As we go on and on and on doing this, we regain the ability to see that we have lost so long ago. Oh how marvelous it is to marvel.

This brings me back to my work at Simplex. Is it even worth my time and effort and spirit to be intrigued? Should such a powerful weapon be aimed at such a small little creature? Will it not burn down everything around it as well? As always, the weapons to conquer should always be placed in the right hands and should always be used at the right time. Even the fervor of a thousand lightening strikes rattles nothing on the open sea. Then, the question becomes whether the obligatory is worth such weaponry, and whether the residual energy is channeled effectively or effectively lost. ‘Tis a question that I will need to study – with the curiosity of a child!